A Simples Life: My Life and Times Read online

  NURSERY is home to my puppet theatre. I am master of the puppets and perform several award-winning productions here, including Antigone and 2 Fast 2 Furious.

  Office

  Sometimes I am spend almost four hour at a time here.

  I.T. Dept

  Sergei’s home from home.

  Stationery Cupboard

  Sergei’s holiday home from home.

  Mirror Maze

  Sometimes I get lost inmy own stylishness.

  Drawing Room

  I also use this as Archery Range.

  Corridor

  Doubles as Skittles Alley.

  Cinema/Theatre/Karaoke Rome

  Sometimes all at once.

  Secret Room

  Gymnasium

  Where I perform gruelly daily haunch exercises.

  Wardrobe (level 1)

  Contains 3,679 different type of cravat.

  Batch Spa

  Houses Olympics-size tub and wave machine.

  Golf Corridor

  I have already destory three granddaddy clocks.

  Old Nursery

  Makes me feel like a meerpup again.

  Library

  Contains over 60,000 books and 11 secret passages.

  Ballroom

  And Balloon Room on Saint Vladimir's Tuesday.

  Real Vault

  Includes Word's only Fabergé Omelette.

  Fake Vault

  Includes Word's only fake Fabergé Omelette.

  Banquet Hall

  This is where I while away the afternoon.

  Grub Pantry

  Sergei is always sneak caterpillar crepes from here.

  Kitchen

  The birthplace of Sergei’s famous beetle broth.

  Tunnel Entrance

  I burrowed from the end.

  Panic Room

  For When I am in a Panic.

  As you see from plan, I have big grounds. We used to have hedge maze based on Cretan Labyrinth at Knossos, but one time Sergei was on way home from working in mansion and lose himself in maze for three days. He was found by gardeners covered in hedge mites. We got rid of maze after that.

  MY bathroom is newly refurbed with an Olympics-size swimming pool for my exercisings. My record is 21 lengths (any thing more than that I get cramp in my tail). Is much more tiring than compare meerkats.

  Afterwards I have soothing whirly-bath. Sometimes bubbles is not work though because Sergei’s fur moultings is block the bubble pipe. Then we have to call out plumberkat and Sergei hides in his room because he is embarrassment.

  HERE I am with my vintage Rolls-Royce before we go for picnic. Sergei very good driver – he can make drive from mansion to front gate in only 25 minutes now.

  I have many rooms for sport in my home; here is drawing-room archery. This is where I successfuls shoot a fruit off top of Sergei’s head on only third attempt.

  THE END

  CONGRATULATION! You have reach the end of my book. I am hope you have enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed dictating it.

  If you are take just one thing from this book, it should be that meerkats are an amazing and diverse species. From brave hero meerkats like my Great Granddaddy Vitaly to nervous computery meerkats like Sergei, we are all unique – like snowflakes or batteries in my closet.

  Thank you.

  Sincerity,

  PS: Sometimes it can be a bit sad to reach end of a really fantastic book, so for specials treat I have include some of my favourite comparethemeerkat.com meerkats in dedicated appendix. You are welcomes.

  APPENDIX

  A Selection of comparethemeerkat.com Meerkats

  KENDOKAT Miami

  Kendokat wields big stick and wears specials designed armour. He look scary but actually is very nice. When not engaging in extreme combat, Kendokat likes picnicking and pedalling boats shaped like swan.

  This meerkat can often be found on Miami Beach perfecting squat thrust technique or discussing sunglasses straps with training partner.

  BIKERKAT Honolulu

  Get your motor running, head out on the highway, Bikerkat is oiled up and ready to ride. Liking nothing better than wind in whiskers and hot tarmac under wheels, Bikerkat once rode 700 miles just to get a burrito.

  On lazy days this meerkat love sit under shade of palm tree knitting grass skirt and flower necklace in readiness for nighttime beach Lu’au. During the week he runs a shack selling exotic seashells and boogie boards to tourists.

  BALLETKAT Weston-super-Mare

  Balletkat is little clumsy round the house but when on stage and in tutu, there is transform into most graceful and elegant creature. Very flexible and able to leap large distances – useful when queuing.

  This meerkat goes to Weston-super-Mare to play slot machine and snog stranger outside closed beach bar or stand in middle of gigantic empty car park when feeling sickness of home in Kalahari.

  PARTYKAT Bangkok

  A 24-hour party animal. If there’s a dance club having a massive dance party, Partykat is surely going to be there with glow sticks, disco pants and spirit of sexiness.

  This meerkat love spiritualism of Bangkok dance scene and has taken ‘sacred vow of the boogie’. Now committed to new life of throwing shapes in golden temple of dance.

  POSTSCRIPT

  FROM SERGEI

  THIS has been very tiring exercise. Plus it has used up all my typewriter ribbons. Worst bit was when pages blew away in wind and I had to start all over again. I hope that – Note from Author: Sergei, we have limit space so I will have to stop you there. Apologies. Also, my computermabob will not switch on. Can you have a look?

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title

  Copyright

  Contents

  Dedication

  A Message from the Author

  Part The One: The Journey of Courageousness

  Chapter 1: In the Beginning

  Chapter 2: Escape

  Chapter 3: Russia

  Part The Two: The Battle of Fearlessness

  Chapter 4: An Old Foe

  Chapter 5: The Battle

  Chapter 6: A Hero

  Part The Three: The Streets of Ambitiousness

  Chapter 7: Hard Times

  Chapter 8: Comparing Beginnings

  Chapter 9: The Shop at Last

  Part The Four: Me

  Chapter 10: Early Days

  Chapter 11: Growing Up

  Chapter 12: Success (and also Sergei)

  Part The Five: My Life Today

  Chapter 13: Me on Screen

  Chapter 14: The Making of the Movies

  Chapter 15: At Home

  The End

  Appendix: Comparing Meerkats

  Postscript: From Sergei